Nothing is possible without loss
Missing your ex? Well, nothing is permanent, yet we strive for it, especially when we attach to someone we love. The fact is that a loss makes life appealing. Knowing that all things come to an end means this precise moment in time has and will always be the most precious point in time. The loss gives everything meaning which is why a breakup is so painful. It had meaning and that meaning could only exist with the existence of loss.
Even if you never break up with your partner, death will take it eventually, and their loss gave the relationship meaning. The loss gives this precise moment in space and time you’re occupying all the meaning you could ever want. Tomorrow never arrives and yesterday was never here which means you only have now. Forget permanents embrace uncertainty and loss because that is what allows us to love as greatly as we do.
‘Momento Mori - You can die at any time so be dam sure you’re not wasting your time’.
After a breakup, we become hugely narcissistic and entitled. Believe me, we are not entitled to our exes or the relationship we shared with them. They are free to leave at any time as were you, and that is a universal right. People change, develop new ideas, and want different things which may put you on different paths. To quote The Mandalorian ‘This is the way’.
Mother nature’s way never promised or guaranteed you anything. You were born, and beyond that, everything is negotiable but never guaranteed. You were not guaranteed to survive childbirth let alone make it to adulthood. So why do we feel entitled permanently to love and relationships?
Could it be society tells us we are entitled to happiness? Or is it the bullshit Disney films teaching us what love looks like? Or maybe secret option number 3 ‘our ego’ makes us the hero of our own story! Who truly knows? But one thing is for sure, loss and sadness are vital ingredients to happiness. Whereas ‘entitlement’ is a vital ingredient to unhappiness. Choose very carefully which side of that fence you want to be on.
It’s more than okay to still love someone who has dumped you, but if they do not want to be with you, let them go. If you’re having a problem moving on try and put something like this on your wall, fridge door, or memory bank, just anywhere to be honest – ‘I very much loved my ex and therefore she can f**k off! I don’t mean that in a bad way, I’m merely agreeing with her decision to leave.’
We struggle to let go because our mindset is one of ‘What can they do for me? How can they make me feel better? Who will keep me company when I’m lonely?’ But I challenge you to reverse this.
‘If I were my ex with their worldview, traumas, experiences, and personality, would have I also walked away? Would I stay where I’m no longer happy, or do I choose what makes me happy?’ Your ex was merely doing what was best for them. Just like when they started dating you, they were doing what was best for them. Only you weren’t complaining then because they were feeding your ego, and you were getting something from it.
The key difference now is you feel you have nothing to gain from them walking away which isn’t true. By them saying no to you means you can say yes to other things and someone new. If you truly loved them, and they are better off without you, you’d be happy for them. They also gave you the opportunity to level up and to be better. Don’t waste the opportunity!
‘Memento Vivere – Remember to Live’.
In all personal growth and in every relationship, the key to loving ourselves and each other is becoming aware of the roots of our actions.
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It has the potential to be life-changing.
Remember, small changes can have a big impact and you will be amazed by the positive change it will have on how you feel.
Hapus i siarad/ trafod yn Gymraeg
